


the gravity that holds the stars in place

by dustypigeons



Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Fluff, M/M, excessive use of metaphors and galaxies, idk what this is but it made me cry, seongjoong are soulmates, so is the rest of Ateez, there's mentions of death but it isn't sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 17:08:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28030665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dustypigeons/pseuds/dustypigeons
Summary: hongjoong has spent all his lives alone.he’s had family, he’s made friends, but he’s never felt the tug of longing, someone pining for him. the red string of fate, the red string of soulmates.after every life has ended, some tragically, some passing with time, one voluntarily, hongjoong gets to learn about his past lives and the inner workings of soulmates. he’s granted access to his memories. and every single time he reviews them, he feels emptiness. the red string he’s promised in every life is missing. when he asks why, the response he gets is “he will thank you, wait.” and like every time, his memories of his past lives are wiped once again and he is left to be born in another family.then he is reborn in the year 1998 as Kim Hongjoong.
Relationships: Kim Hongjoong/Park Seonghwa
Comments: 10
Kudos: 79





	the gravity that holds the stars in place

hongjoong has spent all his lives alone. 

he’s had family, he’s made friends, but he’s never felt the tug of longing, someone pining for him. the red string of fate, the red string of soulmates.

after every life has ended, some tragically, some passing with time, one voluntarily, hongjoong gets to learn about his past lives and the inner workings of soulmates. he’s granted access to his memories. and every single time he reviews them, he feels emptiness. the red string he’s promised in every life is missing. when he asks why, the response he gets is “he will thank you, wait.” and like every time, his memories of his past lives are wiped once again and he is left to be born in another family.

kim hongjoong was always a bright child. meticulous, careful, focused. he listened to one shinee song and decided rapping was his dream, no matter how hard it would be to get there. he joined a no-name company and worked double jobs in school to keep going. he felt a strong push towards being in an idol group. the feeling of emptiness he’d always had as a child was turning into a strong magnet, pushing him towards the pipe dream of a successful group. 

his heart was fuller, he met a scary boy named mingi, who turned into a puppy every time his best friend yunho walked in. he met yeosang, a quiet weird boy with a deep voice, and soon after a loud affectionate boy named wooyoung came bumbling after him, talking about how they’d been friends for years. san, a church boy, seemed unfit for an idol group until hongjoong saw him dance. he was indeed not unfit. at all. jongho, an innocent-looking boy with the voice of an angel turned out to have very strong arms and hongjoong was a little bit scared of him. that was his family. 

there was one other boy. hongjoong thought it felt wrong to call him family. seonghwa was a little older than hongjoong, and he was tall, handsome, popular and practically born for the idol life. there was an unfamiliar tug hongjoong felt every time he looked at seonghwa. he ignored it. he instead focused on the old magnet pulling him towards an idol group. however, he wasn’t sure where the magnet was pointing towards anymore. it was confusing and hongjoong ignored it. he had to stay focused.

seonghwa had bright sparkly eyes that looked like a new galaxy. he watched how to train your dragon too much and could recite the dialogues in english, despite not knowing the language. seonghwa scolded the younger members constantly but looked at them fondly when they would fool around. he slept with a mountain of plushies. the first time he watched harry potter he held onto hongjoong’s arm thinking the child actors were put into danger. hongjoong still feels the weight of his hands on his shoulder. it felt nice. maybe in a different life, he would’ve wanted seonghwa to keep them there. but not this one. in this one, he’s focused. there was a magnet pulling him towards the clear goal of an idol group. 

the goal was looking a little fuzzy now.

the tug was getting stronger. something told hongjoong to stay close to the taller boy. to check up on him, to help him improve his singing, to work with him, to hold his hand, to get closer to see into the galaxies hidden in his eyes. it was scary, unfamiliar. hongjoong was roommates with seonghwa, but he thought it was best to distance himself. they’re passing thoughts, he thinks. you live with him, he’s just close. you’re mistaking him for something he’s not.

hongjoong doesn’t lie to himself often, but that time he did.

fresh off debut, seonghwa and hongjoong sat together doing facemasks. seonghwa, pouting, asked hongjoong why he’s close and affectionate towards all the other members, but cold towards him. _because if i get close to you i don’t know what i would do when you let go._ because we’re not friends, hongjoong says. we’re coworkers. seonghwa furrowed his eyebrows determinedly. “i’ll be friends with you, hongjoong-shi. something in my gut tells me to.”

_my gut tells me to too._

after their debut, their fame steadily rises. they travel to new places, seonghwa consistently choosing hongjoong as his travelling roommate and partner. seonghwa goes to the zoo, eyes bright and wide. the first time he saw a giraffe, his breath caught in his throat. “look how tall! i want to be that tall. i’m going to be that tall.” you’re already tall enough, hongjoong says, breath stuck in his throat seeing seonghwa’s elated expression. “you’re right, you’re perfect hugging height right now” hongjoong pretends the idea of seonghwa holding him doesn’t make his entire body shiver.

hongjoong’s been doing a lot of pretending recently. 

hongjoong locked himself in the bathroom one night, anxiety piling on himself. it wasn’t easy being a leader, and after mingi hurt his back, pressure caved and he needed something. the space in his chest that used to be hollow was filled with longing, pining, aching, searching, reaching for something. something to save him. his anchor, but not as heavy. he didn’t need to be grounded. just a little string maybe. to pull him along, a little encouraging voice telling him to get up when he falls, that his new beat is good, that he looks nice today. as he tries to catch his breath, he gets a text from seonghwa. 

_[Seonghwa Hyung shared a tweet with you]_

Seonghwa Hyung: Would you do this for me? Yes or no. I’d say yes, but don’t be biased

Seonghwa Hyung: Pls answer quickly, bet with Mingi for your answer 

the tweet said “i asked my boyfriend if he’d still love me if i was a worm, and he said he would get me a little travelling cage and take me to pretty places :(“

the word boyfriend sent a feeling of realization mixed with dread down his spine. he now understood the cavity in his chest filled to the brim with feelings he couldn’t understand. he understood that the itch to play with seonghwa’s nape wasn’t due to the fact that they were roommates.

Hongjoong: yes. i would let worm-you watch the sunrise with me and i’d bring a spray bottle with me so you wouldn’t dry out.

the sense of realization gave him adrenaline, washing over him taking the anxiety with him leaving him with shaking hands and a racing mind. life was simple. life was always simple. finish school, idol group, debut, win awards, world tour. seonghwa and the milky way he held in his irises was the anomaly he never accounted for. seonghwa and his stupid smile seeing fans holding lightsticks like he’d never seen anything sparkle before. seonghwa and his teary eyes as he hugged hongjoong tightly after ateez’s first win. “i’ve never met someone like you before”, he had whispered. hongjoong still wondered what he meant. seonghwa cuddling him like a koala. seonghwa deciding which plushies go on the bed. seonghwa’s 10 step cleaning routine. seonghwa staying up late to learn twice choreo. seonghwa supporting him endlessly. 

_seonghwa, seonghwa, seonghwa._

the fuzzy goal at the end of the magnet was suddenly him and seonghwa, pressed together, holding hands with his family around him. his expectedly dysfunctional, stupid, loving family made of 8 cheering on seonghwa and hongjoong as their lips meet, saying they knew eomma and appa would get together. 

hongjoong splashed his face with cold water, but the familiar tug pulling him towards seonghwa was getting stronger, unbearable, burning, searing, cutting through him. he opened the door to the bathroom, clutching his chest, and made his way to his shared bedroom, where the door swung open to seonghwa, with tears in his eyes.

“i don’t know what’s going on,” seonghwa told him, scared. “am i having a heart attack?” 

hongjoong went into the room and sat on the bed, seonghwa sitting beside him, noticing hongjoong’s hand clutching his own chest. “did we eat something bad?”, seonghwa asked.

hongjoong’s hand went to seonghwa’s thigh and the touch relieved both their pain, the tug staying strong as ever. seonghwa’s hand trailed up hongjoong’s arm, eventually resting on his shoulder, fingers playing with the hair at the back of his neck, a movement of comfort and reassurance. hongjoong’s hands went to the back of seonghwa’s neck and the other to trace his jawline. seonghwa’s eyes no longer held the innocence of galaxies, they were black holes, sucking hongjoong into unfamiliar darkness. who’s hongjoong to try and escape a black hole anyway?

hongjoong used the last of his adrenaline and pulled seonghwa in, lips meeting. there weren’t any fireworks. in fact, it would take several years for hongjoong to place the feeling he felt when his and seonghwa’s lips met for the first time. as hongjoong was pulled towards seonghwa, he felt full. the cavity in his chest closed, the soft lips against his healing his aching heart; a heart that felt like it was aching for years. 

many years later, in front of tens of thousands of fans, called atinys, ateez performed their song THANK U. a song written by hongjoong for his boyfriend seonghwa, but now all hongjoong could see was his boyfriend, older, more confident, a little more muscular, but still innocent, singing the lyrics hongjoong wrote for him back to him. 

_Thank you_

_(Thank you for being on my side)_

_Thank you for being able to walk by your side_

_(Thank you for being on my side)_

_Thank you because we can depend on each other on this tough world In the event of a typhoon_

_When the rain is heavy and the wind rises_

_You and me, you and me_

_It’s always the two of us_

hongjoong liked to tell seonghwa his eyes held galaxies. seonghwa would always respond by saying, “galaxies need gravity to stick together. you’re my gravity.” and hongjoong would always turn red causing seonghwa to turn red, causing wooyoung, san and yunho to turn red because they were eavesdropping.

  
  


many decades later, hongjoong’s life will pass on, seonghwa’s exactly a day later. holding his hand, hongjoong will explain the concept of lives and soulmates, and hongjoong will learn that his soulmate was living his first life, that the innocence he held was because a part of him was learning the world for the first time. hongjoong will shake his head, the fact that the palm reader they went to as a joke was right won't sit right with him at all.

soon all of ateez will view their memories together on a large screen. making fun of each other, regretting old clothing and hair choices. they will hear a voice.

_peculiar, how every human’s soul is split into two. however, for you all, your souls are split into eight. don’t make this goodbye too tearful, you will see each other again in every life. the tug of a platonic soulmate is as strong as a romantic one._

hongjoong will understand the magnetism of an idol group. he’ll reminisce of his fans. 

seonghwa will walk up to him, “hongjoong-shi, they’re calling me to start my next life. i know it would be a waste to tell you to remember me, but just know that i will find you. you’re my gravity.” and with a kiss, seonghwa will be gone. 

he will hear the voice again.

did he thank you like i promised?

he doesn’t have to answer. as his memories get wiped, he hopes to never forget the galaxies in a certain taller boy’s eyes, gleaming, searching, the stars made to be set in place by the gravity that is kim hongjoong.

**Author's Note:**

> idk what this is but i wrote it on a whim at 2 in the morning bc I couldn't stop thinking about the palm reader that said this is seonghwa's first life and then the song THANK U and then I sobbed for an hour writing the actual fic 
> 
> reminder that this is all fiction and i don't ship them irl 
> 
> ok yeah thank u for reading eeeeeeee


End file.
